Clone Me!!

Agh!!  I miss my people.  I have family in Germany, Texas, Virginia, and Kansas…including 5 adult children and 6 young grandchildren.

I want the ideal of Walton’s Mountain where multiple generations share the ups and downs of life at least on the same property.  I know someone who has that and I must admit to being jealous.

Right now I am in Virginia temporarily.  I moved to Texas for three years prior to my return to the Valley.  In Texas I have had the delight of reconnecting with my older daughter and getting to know my grandson during his first three years.  I’ve had the chance to visit my oldest son and his family in Germany and see them when they have visited the states a few times.  I was living in this general area where I am now when I started this blog just before moving to Texas.

No matter where I am my heart is torn because I’m not somewhere else.  How do people do this?  Perhaps I have attachment issues. (you think?!) I’m trying to keep a sense of humor.  The odd thing is I have been transient all of my life.  But with the husband gone and the kids launched…well, I guess I realized that home was where my people were…and now it’s not.

In a perfect world I would still be married and we would be traveling in the RV we dreamed of owning, visiting the grandkids and having the time of our lives…the time we anticipated while raising the children.  The time he didn’t have the patience to wait for.

Life isn’t perfect.  Not news, I know.  I guess life can be perfectly whatever we make out of it…blooming where we’re planted.  In my case, I am purposeful about being here.  There was a point at which I realized, during the summer, that my parents are aging.  My dad has been forever 50 something (my age!!) in my mind since I was in my 30’s.  It was also important to come and spend some time with my kids and grandpeeps who live here as well.

It’s an extended, but temporary, stay.  Blessed am I indeed that I have found a place to stay and can use my mad homemaking skills at this airbnb in exchange for a room. And it is in the general vicinity between children and parents!  One perfect word…fortuitous!

So I guess I’m looking for some perspective…a way of looking at this adventure that takes some of the sting out of missing my family, friends, and the life I established and loved in ole’ TX.

Gratitude helps! When I’ve had some really low days I have made myself sit down and write my gratitude list.  (Perhaps if I would do that without skipping days melancholia would have no fertile soil in which to root.  Hmmm)

I am grateful for much needed time with my parents!  I’ve been able to encourage them and they have encouraged me right back! We’ve enjoyed great conversations that you only really have in person, as well as the chance to play Monopoly!

My middle son is a musician and working hard for his dream.  He has always been very independent.  Because I live close to him now we get to share things that we wouldn’t otherwise have the opportunity to share.  We’ve always had a friendship, and now that friendship has a chance to grow through shared activities.

My younger daughter and her three boys (who live an hour away) have come such a long way through tremendously challenging circumstances and it does my heart so much good to be able to help in practical ways at this stage of their journey.  I love seeing them grow and develop, even as they continue to face the mountains they must climb.

The home I am living in and the owner I have the opportunity to serve and encourage are gifts I could not have anticipated.  A little bit of so many things I’ve wished for through the years have come to me in this place.  It’s a lovely country setting with breathtaking views, an amazing home where I have people to do homemaking for.  (My youngest son and his wife were living with me in Texas and this is my first time out on my own.  He is in the Army now. ) There are cats and dogs here…things that bless me but in a temporary setting where I can be as long as I need to be.  In years gone by my husband and I dreamed of having a retreat center.  This comes close in that, as an airbnb, I can contribute to guests having a refreshing and comfortable  experience.  And there are other little things about the place, things I’ve wished for over the years.  And they are all in a nice no-strings-attached little package which is perfect for this time in my life.

But the weights are still there.  I guess carrying the weight is what makes us stronger.  Carrying it with joy, that is.

It’s Christmastime.  I know my youngest is being deployed in January and I won’t get to see him before he goes.  I miss the beautiful routine of life that I had established with my daughter and grandson…Jungle Joe’s, taking walks and attending local events, the splash pad (which I suppose we wouldn’t be doing right now anyway! haha), our Sundays of going to church and then lunch and play time, picking him up early from day care and having that special grandson/meemaw time.

Life changes.  We can’t be everywhere at once and while we are engaged in one lovely thing we can’t be engaged in other lovely things when distance is involved.  For everything there is a season.

But somewhere in the recesses of my mind and heart I still dream of the ideal.


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