Remembering

“When you’re dreaming with a broken heart

the waking up is the hardest part.

You roll out of bed and down  on your knees

and for a moment you can hardly breathe…”

John Mayer’s poignant song Dreaming With A Broken Heart came across my Pandora feed this afternoon.  The entire song brings back memories of those first couple of months after my husband of almost 20 years pushed me out on my own with my youngest son, who was just starting highschool.  The first few lines (quoted above) bring back vivid sense memories of how hard it was just to breathe. I did roll out of bed and down on my knees at one point because it hurt so much I didn’t know how to stand up.  For a time I would save all of my energy to see my son off to school and be present for him after school. Many days I lay in a fetal position in so much pain.

Now why on earth would I choose to remember this or even talk about it? Haven’t I let it go yet, at the end of 6 years?

Well, yes and no. Year 7 is beginning and I am healed.  But when I hear that song I choose to listen with a grateful heart and smile (after I shed a tear), because look how far I’ve come! I see the movie trailer version of the story play across my mind and know the story is one of triumph.

I am, this year, dreaming again.  Something which I thought, for the first few years, might never happen again. And life is good.

Don’t give up and just keep going…even on the days you can hardly breathe.

You will be okay.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. artmaker29 says:

    Memories can be so healing! Well written.

    Liked by 1 person

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